Finding Grace

Finding Grace

(Word from the Lord; He wants us to know how He is feeling for His people, even and especially those who have yet to know Him!)

As I lie on my bed, I begin to remember the feelings racking my brain and rolling around in my head.  I begin to ponder, as my brain goes off into some crazy wander. My heart is starting to feel much weight and emotion, what is stirring in my chest all this crazy commotion? Holy Spirit is it you who is reminding me, so that You can be the one to set me free? I'm beginning to remember the pain in my heart, the pain that I feel as its being torn apart. Torn apart from my love being taken advantage of, no way can that be a gift from above!  Is it really; is this how it’s supposed to be, sincerely? I'm asking You, because I do not know what the heck to do! How much more can I take this pain, why is this a part of the game? You say to forgive as long as I live, but where do I draw the line? Seventy times seven, is that how many times? "Forgive as I have forgiven you," You say. But on the narrow road of "Forgiveness" I seem to be falling astray. Is this what it means to be long suffering? Sometimes I just want to give up because my flesh feels like it’s for nothing! Your disciple said to "run the good race," but how much more can I really find Grace. Then all of a sudden I begin to weep, as I lie on my bed just wanting to get some sleep. In the middle of feeling this pain in my heart, tears well up in my eyes...this is where it starts!  My heart starts pounding like a beating drum. I begin to enter the throne room and remember the Son. I begin to realize the pain that I experience and remember is not my own, but the suffering and the heartache of the One sitting on the throne.  I remember I said I'd carry the cross, and that I'll bear the fruit of long suffering no matter the cost. "Oh my goodness what did I say?"  I remember again that my life is not my own, I gave it away. "Oh no, please give me peace I don't want to fall astray! My heart is now pounding in sync with Thee Father, I feel all in his heart that seems to be a bother. The anger, frustration, abuse, the pain! I'm being reminded Jesus felt all that shame. I feel the breaking of the Father's heart, and how he feels because sin tore us apart. And this is why He sent His Son, to redeem us to the Heart of the only True One. And even though He gave us this Love, what do we do but advantage of Above! Praise in His face only to take advantage of Grace! My God, My God how you are longing for your people.  Yet we are always trying to act like a building with a steeple. If we only take the time to dwell in your heart, we could rest in the rhythm of your breaking, because of what is keeping us apart.  Show me how to live and bear the fruit of long suffering, so I can get on my face and begin to know this walk isn’t for nothing. Do whatever you have to do to bring me to this place, even when I take advantage of your grace, whatever it means God just to see your face!  Tune the beating of my heart to the breaking of yours, so I can know the fruit of long suffering and the pain you’ve endured. Yes, remind me of the cross. Because I really need to be reminded, of the cost! To understand You’re Love, even at the price of Blood, this gift that you gave a sacrifice of your Son! Only to take advantage of grace and yet we still even get to praise in your face. The veil has been torn to know fellow ship with Thee One, even at the sacrifice of a son. I embrace the pain he endured for my sin, so my heart can be entwined with Him. Even if I take advantage of grace, do what you need so I can fall on my face, and embrace the fruit of long suffering, that I may know this walk isn’t for nothing. I am drinking the redemption cup of your blood, and eating your flesh so I can look like above. Burn off the dross with Consuming Fire and hide me away from the one who is a liar. I thank you my God for finding Grace; even so I can see your face. Seventy times seven, even more I’ll forgive, like You forgive me… so I can live!

Written by Jade N. Ciccone

on the 21^st day of November 2011.